Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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