fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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