ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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