even my farts smell like vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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