Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
