thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
