your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
