How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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