You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she peed on how many people?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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