Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
