What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
