saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
