Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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