You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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