just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
