Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
