It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
