hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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