Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
