i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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