I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
