New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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