so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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