I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
