Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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