i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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