margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
