just come out here and I will go home with you...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
