I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We got so high we made milksteak
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
