If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
