been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
