Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
