whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
