My first STD was from a foam party
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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