I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
