even my farts smell like vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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