we made out on top of his cat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
