if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
