Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
