no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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