Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
