You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
