We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
