They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
