You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
