She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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