I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
