I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
