I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
