dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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