Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
