I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
