Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
